


Threesome Eggs and Ham

by HollySprite (GorgeousDeduction)



Category: Green Eggs and Ham - Dr. Seuss, The X-Files
Genre: Dr. Seuss - Freeform, Green Eggs and Ham, Multi, story adaptation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4925821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GorgeousDeduction/pseuds/HollySprite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>More threesome. Less ham.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Threesome Eggs and Ham

Would You Like to Threesome:  
An X-Files poem set to Green Eggs and Ham, by Dr. Seuss.

By HollySprite (Originally written 7/14/1998)

I am Mulder  
I am Scully  
Mulder and Scully-we-are

That Scully-I-am  
That Mulder-I-am  
I do not like that Mulder and Scully

Hey, would you like to have a threesome with us?

I do not like that Mulder-I-am.  
I do not like to threesome Scully-I-am.

We could do it here or there?

I would not do it with you two here or there.  
I would not do it with you tow anywhere.  
I do not like to threesome Scully-I-am.  
I do not like to threesome Mulder-I-am.

Would you like to do us in Mulder’s flat?  
Would you like to do us with a rat?

I do not like to do it in his flat.  
I do not like to do it in with a rat.  
I do not like to do it here or there.  
I do not like to do it anywhere.  
I do not like to threesome Scully-I-am.  
I do not like to threesome Mulder-I-am.

Would you do us with smallpox?  
wouldn’t you do it with my fox?

Not with smallpox.  
Not with your fox.  
Not in Mulder’s flat.  
Not with a rat.  
I do not like to do it here or there.  
I do not like to do it anywhere.  
I do not like to threesome Scully-I-am.  
I do not like to threesome Mulder and Scully-we-are.

Would you? Could you? In a rental car?  
Do it! Do it!  
Here we are!

I would not, could not, in a rental car.

You may like us. You will see.  
You may like us in a corn field.

I would not, could not in a corn field.  
Not in a rental car, will you not yield!  
I do not want you with the pox.  
I do not want you with your fox.  
I do not want you in the flat.  
I do not want you with a rat.  
I do not like to do it here or there.  
I do not like to do it anywhere.  
I do not like to threesome Scully-I-am.  
I do not like to threesome Mulder and Scully-we-are.

A morgue! A morgue! A morgue! A morgue!  
Would you, could you do us in a morgue?

Not in a morgue, not in a corn field.  
Not in your rental car! Mulder and Scully will you not yield?  
I would not, could not if you had the pox.  
I could not, would not with your fox.  
I will not do you with a rat.  
I will not do you in the flat.  
I will not do you anywhere.  
I do not threesome. I do not threesome Mulder and Scully-we-are.

Say! In a trailer park?  
Here in this trailer park?  
Would you could you do us in this trailer park?

I would not, could not in this trailer park.

Would you, could you in Casey’s Bar?

I would not, could not in Casey’s Bar.  
Not in a trailer park, not in your rental car.  
Not in a morgue, not in a corn filed.  
I do not like to threesome. Please, why won’t you yield?  
Not if you had the pox. Not in the flat. Not with you fox. Not with a rat.  
I will not do you here or there.  
I will not threesome anywhere!

You do not want to threesome?

I do not want to threesome Mulder-I-am.  
I do not want to threesome Scully-I-am.

Could you, would you with an exsanguinated goat?

I would not, could not with an exsanguinated goat.

Would you, could you on Cap’n Scully’s boat?

I could not, would not on Cap’n Scully’s boat.  
I will not, will not with an an exsanguinated goat.  
I will not do you in Casey’s bar.  
I will not do you in your rental car.  
Not in a trailer park! Not in a corn field!  
Not in a morgue! Please please yield!  
I would not do you with small pox.  
I would not do you with your fox  
I will not do you in Mulder’s flat.  
I will not do you with a rat.  
I do not want you here or there.  
I do not want you two any where.  
I do not like to threesome Mulder-I-am.  
I do not like to threesome Scully-I-am.

You do not like it. So you say.  
Try us! Try us!  
And you may.  
Try us and you may I say!

Mulder.  
Scully.  
If I do you two will you let me be?  
I will try it.  
You will see.

* *

Say! I like to threesome Mulder-I-am.  
I do. I like to threesome Scully-I-am.  
And I would do you two in Cap’n Scully’s boat.  
And I would do you two with an exsanguinated goat.  
And I will do you two in Casey’s Bar.  
And in the rental car. And in the corn field.  
You are good, so good. I am glad you didn’t yield.  
So I will do you with your fox.  
And I will have you two in Mulder’s flat.  
And I will do you with that rat.  
And I will do you two here or there.  
Say! I will do you two ANYWHERE!  
I do like to threesome.  
Thank you Scully-I-am.  
Thank you, Thank you Mulder-I-am.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this in 1998. I had some friends who were, let's just say, very influential in my writing.


End file.
